Cheater!!

I couldn't take it anymore...I ate half of a scrambled egg. At least it was a good cheat choice but I just couldn't stop my stomach from growling anymore.

I'm a bit concerned...will I ever enjoy food again? When ever I start eating or more like drinking I get the uncomfortable feeling and I just kind of muscle thru it. Will I ever enjoy eating again?

OH MY GOODNESS...I JUST WANT TO BURP!

It is the largest burp ever and it will not exit my body! How can I get this thing out of there? I walk around and it starts to creep up and then grips my insides in this incredible cramp and stays in! UGH! GET OUT BURP!

Port Incision...OUCH!

Feeling better today

I've only taken one dose of pain medication today and I'm feeling a bit better. I'm finding myself hungry. I thought I wasn't supposed to be hungry for weeks!?! My stomach actually growls, that's how I know i'm hungry.

Today I've eaten (drank)
1 Choc Protein drink (3/4 of it)
1 SF choc pudding
1 Van Protein Drink (3/4 of it)
1/4 c. of creamy tomato soup
1 Crystal Light Popsicle
1/4 of a Campbells soup at hand - tomato


My port area is bruised and painful but other than that, I'm feeling pretty good. I do have the runs though. I was so afraid of not pooping and now I have the the runs. My stomach just feels outta whack, like it's not in the right spot, almost.

Heating pad and liquid loratab...

I get drowsy pretty quick, so this will be short. My incisions are pretty painful and the swelling around my port is hurting. I think the gas in my shoulders has worked is way out. I've actually passed gas which makes me feel great but hurts like hell to push out! Sorry if that's too much info but it does hurt!

I've eaten 1 whole jello cup today, not l in one sitting of course but that's been my diet. Ice cubes and teeny, tiny bites of jello. Oh and I had some chick broth...not a lot, maybe a quarter of a cup.

The heating pad has been my best friend. I turn it on and the off and then on and then off. I take my pain meds, switch on the heating pad, get comfy and fall asleep.

I hope I feel better tomorrow. I get to move to full liquids tomorrow...I'm looking forward to pudding and a protein shake. I think i'm hungry but it's hard tell. People around me eat and I'd love to have some but I know it'd hurt like hell and I'm not really hungry. I guess I will be fighting head hunger sooner than I thought.

Pain meds are starting to kick in and I'm getting droopy. Have a good night...

Ouch!

I'm sleepy so this won't be long. My surgery was uneventful for the most part. Except for the missing needle Don't worry they got it.

I'm in some have pain and lots of stuck gas and i'm nauseous.

Final Countdown!

THE IV IS IN!! Oh boy, oh boy, OH BOY!!!

It took so long but it got here so fast!

Oh my! My surgery is tomorrow! Ahhhhhh!!!

This morning I've had coffee and I'm starting my first big cup of water. I'm going to have a protein shake soon but I don't want to have it too soon and be hungry too early.

I'm getting more and more nervous. On Friday, I stopped at GNC on my way home from work. I grabbed two flavors of protein water and two flavors of IsoPure protein powder. I tried the water. YUCK! That was just digusting. I can't bring myself to try the other flavor but it's not the flavor that gets me, it's the after taste and the way it makes me mouth feel. Gross!! I can't bring myself to try the powders.

I'm going to take my before pictures tonight. I haven't decided if I'm going to post them yet.

Ugh! I'm scared. My stomach turns when I think about being wheeled into the room. I know I'm going to have a mini panic attack. I sure hope they have some nice calming meds ready when I get there! Since I can't take my own crazy pill in the morning, they better have a crazy shot ready! I just keep reminding myself what I'm doing this for. This isn't about how I look, though that is a HUGE plus, this is for my health!! I want to be healthy! I want to be here. I don't want to be diabetic. I want to not take a crazy pill (Anti-anxiety meds). I don't want to take asthma medication. I want to be more active! I want to run around! I want to go in the bouce house thing! I want to swing on swings. I want to not feel like a spectacle when I'm lumbering around. I want a LIFE!

Lost 3 pounds!

I'm not even trying. It's gotta be nerves! I've increased my fiber and water intake, could that be it? Not to get all grossly personal but my poop has been more regular and better than ever. Sorry if that's too much info but it's so true! Note to self...for good poop water and oatmeal!

Thankfully my surgeon doesn't require that dreadful 2 weeks pre-op, liquid only, sugar free, kill me now diet! I'm just not supposed to go around eating like a mad woman and eat bland on Sunday and liquids only on Monday. I'm thinking Sunday will be all oatmeal and water to clean out my colon!

Everyone around me is sick! I think I'm willing myself not to get sick but Shannon is trying to force feed me antibiotics! She says she'll feel horrible if my surgery is postponed because I have bronchitis! She has bronchitis. My boss/BF/car pool buddy also has bronchitis and has been hacking in my car all week. I took her to the doctor yesterday and she's got the funk too! She's on antibiotics. Oh and P'nut...she's on them too for an ear infection.
I'm checking into Motel Mom's House if anyone else gets sick!

I'm counting down silly things...I will only have 4 more Venti Decaf Americanos before surgery. I've always been half decaf so switching to all decaf isn't a big deal for me. I will only go to work 2 more times before surgery. I will only drive my car for 4 more days before surgery.

Thanks!!

Just want to give a quick thank you to my "followers"! I love love love all the comments and the encouragment is the best!! From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU!!

My partner is a skinny little thing...Well she's been hoarding some pounds since P'nut was born but still. She's 5'2" and a whopping 130 pounds. She carries all her weight in her little belly and jiggly butt. I know she has no clue what I'm going through and I don't blame her at all. I try to explain how I feel and I just don't think she can grasp it since she's never been heavy and never felt the things that we feel.

My boss is also one of my best friends. She knows I'm having surgery but she's not super supportive. She knew someone who died after gastic bypass. I've been trying to explain that banding is a completely different thing but she just keeps telling me I'm beautiful and don't need surgery. She thinks I'm lying when I tell her I weigh more than 250 pounds. Now why on earth would someone tell you they weigh more than 2 adult human beings if they really didn't?

My mom...My rock! My biggest cheerleader has been thru this. She had RNY. She knows how much it changed her life. She's gained some weight back but she's still in onederland...barely but she is. She's hoping that I can inspire her to get back on track. I'm hoping she'll stay by my side when the going gets tough!

And then there's all of you...The people I've never met but have learned about by reading your inner most secrets and following your dreams. There is so much negativity around all of us everyday. It's nice to log in and read encouragement from women ( and men) who have been where I am or are where I am and they're making it through. Though I may never meet you or get to give you hug, I really appreciate the support and encouragement. Please keep it coming! And when I need tough love, hand it out! This is where I'm going to confess my failures and slip ups! This is where I will be 100% honest about who I am.

THANK YOU!!!!

What I need before surgery...

Pedicure! I need a pedicure! My toes haven't been painted since September or October.

No really -

Protein Shakes
Protein Powder
Protein Water
Heating Pad
Gas-X strips
Chicken Broth
Skim Milk
SF Popsicle
SF Jello

Did I miss anything

No way! It can't be a week away!

I've had 2 dreams about being banded now. Last night I dreamt that I was 2 days post opt and ate hard pretzel and was in the worst pain. Then people were telling me they'd have to take my band out to get the pretzel unstuck and that I couldn't have it back. Then I woke up with killer heartburn! Weird how your mind plays tricks on you in your sleep!

I have to make an appointment with my ENT. I have a sore inside my nose that will not go away and it hurts like crazy and I give up on neosporin. It's not helping!

I need to make a list of things I need to buy before surgery. I think I may need help making sure I get everything. I'm getting more and more anxious by the hour. Surgery doesn't really scare me since I'll be asleep and the doctors will take care of any anxiety I have when I'm there. I'm still afraid of after but I'm so so so so excited to be better. I really feel like I have some illness and I'm finally getting it cured after years of trying medications.

I really will feel better, right?

T minus 7 days

I just can't believe it's 7 days away! It's surreal and i'm not really scared about the surgery, I"m scared about after. Am I really ready for this? If I'm asking myself this question the I must not be, right? But I've read so much and I think I know quite a bit but am I really ready? I want to make a life change becuase I want to be healthy and I don't want to end up diabetic with high blood pressure. I want to be more active! I want to look at picture of myself with out being disgusted with how big I am.

Ok...I think I'm better now! I keep getting these periods of doubt...Can I really do this? Am I really ready?

Awesome, Crazy Weekend!

Let's start with Friday....

I left work alittle early because I had to run a couple errands including stopping at the Avenue to see what was on sale. When I got there I discovered that all clearance items were 50% off!! WOO HOOO!!! I bought a pair of capris, size 14. I bought a pair to skinny jeans, size 16 and a top size 22 to wear now! Total cost, $13! What a deal!

Friday night we had reservations for my last supper slash, our 12 year anniversary dinner at Wildfire. It was DELICIOUS!!! We started with a salad and the Goat Cheese appetizer. I had to get the Martini Flight, 4 awesome martinis! I had the surf and turf with mushrooms caps as my side. So So So YUMMY!

Saturday was our daughter's 3rd birthday! A bowling party with 13 3-8 year old kiddos was just completely insane! We had a blast!

Today I went shopping with my sister. We found another Avenue and did more clearance shopping! We then went to Macy's and I got a new pair of shoes. My brother in law made a delious dinner. Shannon and the p'nut met us there. Riley and her cousin (they're 3 months apart) ran around like crazy. When we got home, She was screaming that her ear hurt. She's running a fever and she's snotty...we'll be at sick call in the morning.

That was our crazy weekend! There are pictures of my last supper above. I meant to take a picture before I started eating but I forgot!

Measurements

A longer post about this weekend is coming soon...I just did my measurements and I want to get them out there so that I can start being held accountable!

Neck - 17
Bust - 53
Waist - 47
Hips - 53
Thigh - 27.5
Arm - 17


Well not that that's done...dinner time!! :)

I'll admit it...it's me!

I just have to make a quick confession....

I'm the one bogging down the internet at work. I'm the one stealing bandwidth. I love streaming documentaries and listening to them while I work.

On right now... Fat: What no one is telling you

Appointment went VERY well!!

While I was right...I gained back all of the weight I loss on my pre-approval diet, I am not feeling discouraged since my surgery is 12 days away. 12 DAYS!!!

First I met with Gayle, the nutritionist. She went over the post op diet with me and asked all the normal nutritionist questions...do you eat sweets? How much water do you drink? How much caffeine? Do you take vitamins? I learned all about my new diet and I have to say that it doesn't seem too bad. I'm alittle freaked out about only having liquids and mush for 6 weeks but I'm super excited to see how much weight I will lose in that time!

Next, I saw the surgeon and he asked if I had any questions. I pulled out my list and he laughed. I told him I'm very thorough and I follow up and take notes with everything!! I will have the Realize C band. I am not required to stay overnight. My pre-op diet is only 2 days long and only the second day is liquid only. I will not have a fill with my surgery and I have to do the barium swallow before going home. I can have my first fill as early as 4 weeks but probably closer to the 6 or 8 week mark. I signed the consent form and asked if they fix Hiatal hernias and he said yes of course! I told him to fix whatever might be broken in there since he's there! He laughed.

So tomorrow Shannon and I are going out to celebrate our 12 year anniversary. We're going to Wildfire, one of my absolute favorites!! I'm going to enjoy the last steak I will eat for awhile! Riley's 3rd birthday is on Saturday. I just can't believe she is 3 and that I haven't lost all of my pregnancy weight yet! :)

Work is still insane but it should calm down after tomorrow...I hope!

Swamped!

My pre-op appointment is tomorrow! I'm so excited!!

Work is completely insane right now and I was up working until after midnight last night and it's looking like that's what I'll be doing again tonight. It's not helping that I'll be out all morning tomorrow and then the last week of the month I'll be out for surgery! It seems so far away but so close at the same time.

I have a list of questions for the surgeon tomorrow. I meet with the nut first. I'm looking forward to that too. I do find myself eating like I'm never going to be able to eat again. I really need to stop this! I shared a sandwhich with a friend today but then ate a rice krispie treat, not becuase I was hungry but with the sole thought that I won't be able to eat another one for awhile. How dumb is that?

16 days....

This weekend has been a blur of food! UGH!

I went to lunch & dinner with the girls today. Girls means my sisters, my mom and my nana. We went to Walker Bros for brunch where I was pretty good. I split with my little sister. While we were out and about, I learned my older sister is going to try to keep up with my weightloss... I told her I don't really think it's a fair race...

I just can't stop thinking about how life will be after the band. I had a dream about surgery last night. That kinda freaks me out...

Thursday is my pre-op appointment. Please let this week go fast....

Advocate Good Shepherd - I'm a Fan!!!

I am such a fan of Advocate Good Shepherd Hospital in Barrington! I'm usually a big pusher of Lake Forest Hospital since my mom works there and I was born there and my daughter was born there and everyone I know goes there but Good Shepherd...WOW'd me!!!

I only had to do a blood test, a pee test, an EKG and a chest x-ray for pre-op testing. I called to scheduled them but all of my tests were walk in basis. I figured it'd be there for hours!

I got into the parking lot around 1:30 yesterday afternoon. I brought a book figuring I'd have time to read...I grabbed my book and my packet of Lapband papers and headed up the two flights of stairs to what I thought was the hospital main entrance...WRONG! She tells me to get back in my car and head further down to the "revolving door"

Back in the car, I run into my step-mom at the hospital main entrance. We chat for awhile. She was there for a mammogram, everything was fine blah blah blah. I spotted a decent parking spot and headed over to it. Parked. I hugged Stepmom and told her to give my dad my love. I walk into the hospital.

I get to the desk and they tell me, again..i'm at the wrong door. Go back out and drive around the corner to the "revolving door" I ask if I can just walk to where I need to be because this is ridiculous! I can obviously use the exercise! I walk and walk and walk and take an elevator one floor (why do they do that? You think at a hospital they'd be telling the fatty where the stairs are!)

Anyhow I make it to the Outpatient Testing place and sit down with the scheduler and she's great! She has a son who will be 2 in a couple months. We talk personal through all the paper work. She's very nice. She sends me to the lab

Lab lady is great too...pokes me arm, gives me a cup to pee in and walks me to the changing room for my chest x-ray.

I change into the tent (I mean the xxxxxxxxxl hospital gown) and go into the waiting area. I sat and opened my book...I didn't even read a sentence and I'm up and moving again. Into the xray room. They snap the pictures of my beautiful lungs and walk me over to EKG...hooked up. Chit chat with the EKG lady.

I go back and change into my close and walk out. I was there for less than 45 minutes!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? 4 tests in less than 45 minutes? Including talk to my stepmom and having a conversation with everyone I ran into...Excellent. Kudos! 5 Stars!!

I then I went to The Cheesecake Factory where I at decent until dessert! They really need to think about offering half slices of their delicious cakes!

Journey to meet the Band

This intro maybe a smidge long so, hold tight....


I'm a 31 (32 in June) year old mother of one 3 year old daugher. My hersband (wife, life partner, girlfriend) and I have been together for 12 years and live in the northern suburbs of Chicago. We're just a normal couple with a house, a kid and 2 dogs.

Seven years ago, my mom had RNY surgery. She lost a ton of weight and looked fantastic! She had a tummy tuck and worked out but never really changed her eating habits. She lost over 130 pounds and felt great! Over the past 2 years, she's slowly started to gain the weight back. She's close to the 200 mark and starting to have some of her old problems again with Blood Pressure and sleep apnea. She's also now having to have iron infusions since she can't absorb any.

Now onto my other parent. My father is just a complete mess!! He is an insulin dependent diabetic with high blood pressure and sleep apnea requiring an upgrade from a CPAP to a BiPap! He was diagnosed with COPD in early 2009 and is still smoking. He isn't following any diet for his diabetes and continues to drink Coke and eat whatever he feels. Oh and I didn't mention he's on coumadin....2 times a day.

So in May 2009 I went in for a sleep study. I was diagnosed with sleep apnea. My blood work has been showing an elevated glucose level and I've always been right on the boardline of high blood pressure but I've never been on any medication. Once I was diagnosed with sleep apnea I decided enough with this fat BS, I'm changing my life! I am not going to follow my father down the path of poor health!

I started with a visit to my primary care doctor and told her my plan. She set me up with a nutritionist and I found a surgeon on my own. My insurance requires 3 months of diet, a psych evaluations and for you to stand on your head and say the alphabet in cantonese!

I have now completed the 3 month diet..woo woo! I lost 14 pounds but I think I might have gained them back over the holidays. I passed the psych eval even though the guy suggested I keep up with therapy for anxiety disorder. I stood on my head and said the alphabet and TA-DA...I have a date!!!

My pre-op testing (EKG, Chest X-ray and blood work) are tomorrow afternoon. My pre-op appointment is the 14th...that's when I'll start the dreaded pre-op liver shrinking diet. AND MY SURGERY IS SCHEDULED FOR JANUARY 26th!!!

I'm excited and scared and worried and elated! Am I really ready for this? I want to change my life! I want so many non scale victories! More than losing 100 pounds, I want to run around with my daughter and my physically fit partner. I want to really live my life and not stand by taking pictures of it. I want to be the mom doing gymnastics, not the one sweating in the corner after 10 minutes. I want to buy a shirt in any store! I want to buy a bra at a normal store! I want to eat a small meal and be satisfied! I want to learn what a protion really is. I want to be around when my daughter gets married. I want to be arround when my daughter's daughter gets married.

That's my ramble for now...there's more to come. I'm really not this serious of a person. I love life! Life is so much fun and I can't wait to have even more fun in a thinner, healthier body!