tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1711009363649871358.post8914885731720947705..comments2010-09-04T18:46:03.899-07:00Comments on Banded Mommy: Dad, you're really pissing me off!Chelehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15647326600141831876noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1711009363649871358.post-34937127863194869512010-04-14T17:02:41.612-07:002010-04-14T17:02:41.612-07:00Sorry you are going through this. Unfortunately, ...Sorry you are going through this. Unfortunately, he has to make the decision to have the WLS. Keep doing what you are doing and maybe you will be his inspiration to make the move to have the surgery.Jacquiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03612121609893900847noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1711009363649871358.post-3485156638425222442010-04-14T14:31:35.104-07:002010-04-14T14:31:35.104-07:00Get Jillian from Biggest Loser to kick his ass. B...Get Jillian from Biggest Loser to kick his ass. But seriously I have no idea what you are going through. It seems strange that if he's ready to die, that he wouldn't give some kind of bariatric surgery a try. There has to be other things going on. I don't think he's a dumb ass. It's hard to see our parents as people, but he must have some other stuff going on holding him back.Bonniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00603681230277050772noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1711009363649871358.post-74175136253029231342010-04-14T12:41:36.434-07:002010-04-14T12:41:36.434-07:00Chele,
I am so sorry you are going through this...Chele,<br /> I am so sorry you are going through this! My father is having band surgery next month and I thank god that he is. Honestly, I am a little shocked that he decided to as it was really touch and go for a while. I think what has made the turning point for him was 1) seeing me do it (in his mind a dad should be braver/stronger than his daughter - or at least as strong) and 2) his own major health issues. <br /> <br /> Now he has lived with major issues for a while - things a DVT (and the risk of losing his leg in the future some time), Lung and Kidney issues, Sleep Apnea, and lots of other "little things". He knew that losing weight would make things better, but with the added weight the last year has been a little crazy. He heard that he might lose a kidney and the chance of losing his leg became much more real. <br /><br /> I had to really bite my tongue while he considering the surgery. It really had to be his decision b/c even if I talked him into it he would still fail. I mean we know you can cheat with the band and with gastric bypass people gain the weight back (and some don't really lose much). In both, you have to be part of the solution. <br /><br /> My advice is to be an example (yes I know your mom has been, but sometimes when they see their kids do something it is different). Talk about how much healthier you feel, how much more stuff you can do, and things like that. If you think he will be open to it tell him how much you love him and how important he is to you and your family. How you really wish he could feel as good as you do now. Tell him that going to a seminar or seeing a doctor to get more info is not a committment and that gathering info is the best way to make a good decision for or against surgery - this I think is what really worked for me.<br /><br />It took about a year for my dad to make the first appointment (right before my surgery). Even at that point he wasn't really sure. Even after that, it took a couple months for him to get active in the process. You could actually see him progress mentally and get more involved as time went on. <br /><br />That said I still wonder sometimes if he will succeed. Not because he can't, but because it was more my idea and his committment was "forced". Mom and I was really careful about making it his decision, but of course I worry.<br /><br />I hope things go well and he makes the mental change before things get too bad health wise. But remember, as hard as it is to bear, he has to make the decision himself - and not just say yes, but really truely believe that it is what he should do. You are a great person for trying to motivate him, but if decides not to it isn't because he doesn't love his family enough. The fear, misconceptions, and other things can be just too much for people.TJhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18274989438466842161noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1711009363649871358.post-90737399823067968112010-04-14T10:42:05.653-07:002010-04-14T10:42:05.653-07:00It is a very hard place you are in right now. It ...It is a very hard place you are in right now. It sounds like your dad (this is my armchair therapist opinion) is not at a good place mentally right now and is depressed. If it is real, true, deep depression...you can't just snap out ya know? I feel for you. But I also agree with all the ladies. You need to tell him everything you are feeling, pull out all the stops...etc.Amy W.https://www.blogger.com/profile/15765516850913923317noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1711009363649871358.post-46627277515438496872010-04-14T09:42:21.270-07:002010-04-14T09:42:21.270-07:00I agree you should talk to him about it again (or ...I agree you should talk to him about it again (or have him read your blog), but you also have to step back and take a deep breath and remember that he is a grown man and you cannot force him to make changes. I am sure he feels really powerless and frightened by all that is happening to him. Weight issues are overwelming and I think we have all felt like there was nothing we could do at some point in the process. Let him know that you love and support him and if he wants to make some changes, you will help him however you can.Amanda Kiskahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08035180757671095192noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1711009363649871358.post-42910486257126444162010-04-14T09:22:20.181-07:002010-04-14T09:22:20.181-07:00Agree with the girls! Remember though, you can...Agree with the girls! Remember though, you can't make him do anything that he doesn't want to do. Its not for you to make him better. Maybe he should just talk to your surgeon.Jennyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09210759567767466760noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1711009363649871358.post-86306446668776684432010-04-14T09:16:12.393-07:002010-04-14T09:16:12.393-07:00agreed. maybe he should read your blog.agreed. maybe he should read your blog.Joeyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09238705965706714229noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1711009363649871358.post-8210944765919746922010-04-14T08:49:52.336-07:002010-04-14T08:49:52.336-07:00You could let him read this post. It really is up ...You could let him read this post. It really is up to him. Even with WLS he has to want to let it work for him. I am 56 too and am doing this to live. But in true reality, he has to choose. I feel so bad for you and I hope he sees what he will be missing. Take care. Does his wife have any influence?Sandyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02400904095865742386noreply@blogger.com